Invincible, right?

On Sunday night in Boston, we had dinner with Lulie’s cousin, Alex.  He is an amazing man, a Director at Harvard, has three books published and a lifetime of experience.  We had a great time catching up with him and hearing about all of his recent travels all over the world.  One common topic kept resurfacing throughout our dinner, though, and that was his belated wife, Susan.  You can tell that Alex is not healed from his wife’s death several years ago of cancer.  He spoke with tears in his eyes of their 30 years together and how he knew the first time they met that there was something special about her.  He told of us of how they met and their quick courtship.  Seeing him reminisce nearly brought me to tears.  He had great marriage advice for Newton and I—from “she’s always right” to “always check with her first before committing to anything” to “put down the toilet seat.”  One piece of advice was said in all seriousness—that life is fragile and you should never take your health or anyone you love’s health lightly, it can be the difference between life and death.

This was such hard-hitting advice for me.  I am so young and don’t realize how often I think I am invincible.  I hear all the time, “it’s not if you hit hard times, it’s when” and I recognize and wholeheartedly believe that, but it’s in some distant, far away land.  There’s no way anything can hurt us now, right?  We haven’t even had kids yet!  There is so much life ahead of us! 

Wrong. 

Life is fragile and I see that every day.  I know I can’t shift to the opposite side of the spectrum, though, worrying about every time Newton leaves the house that something might happen, but I need to savor each moment in this life because all too fast it can pass you by or be taken from you too quickly.

Even after one short year of marriage, I cannot imagine my life without this man.  He is my best friend, my rock, my support, the leader of our family, my lover and my partner.  Sometimes I forget where I end and Newton begins—I am no longer an “I”  but a “we.”  Losing him would be the hardest thing I have ever gone through—I can’t imagine that multiplied by 30 years of marriage.  You truly would feel like you’ve lost half of yourself. 

Two become one.  

This is, biblically, how marriage is supposed to work: you die to self every day for your partner, you love unconditionally because you feel the unconditional love of Christ, you work to communicate, you invest and spend intentional time with each other and then it can be the most rewarding relationship in the world.  However, this is so counterintuitive to what the world preaches today.  So often it’s not about dying to self as much as it about keeping score, seeing what you can get out of the other person, noticing the shortcomings of your partner, and holding grudges. 
I am sure in 30 years of marriage Alex and Susan were not perfect, in fact I know they weren’t—and neither is any couple, especially us.  However, this was such a reminder to me that even in my imperfection and fallen state, I have been so blessed with what I feel is a “once in a lifetime” type of love and I should not take that for granted.  Alex has what the world would define as wealth, success and power, yet sitting at dinner with this man it was clear he would trade it all and give anything to have his wife back. 

I pray that I never forget how fleeting this life is and that I can appreciate my moments with Newton every day.  I pray that when the hard times hit—however they may come—that our foundation is strong and our faith is in the right place to help us through them.  I pray that we continue to surround ourselves with family and friends and strong support.  Finally I pray that we never stop working at our marriage; it’s not always easy but it’s always worth it.  I am so thankful for our night with Alex and all of the wisdom he shared with us.  I will keep his words close to my heart and never stop nagging about Newton's health.