the new normal.

My life changed dramatically this year.  It feels like I’ve aged 10 years in the last three months.  Losing our first baby was heartbreaking and it’s taken me some time to come out of a very hard place.  We’ve been so blessed to be surrounded by family, friends and community to help us through this loss.  Slowly, though, I’m settling into my new normal.  I will never be able to go back to who I was before experiencing a miscarriage—nor would I want to.  There has been so much growth, so much purpose, so much of God working in our lives.  If it were up to me, the story would have played out differently, but I am so blessed to see God work through this experience. 

For me the new normal is filtering everything through a new lens; seeing everything with new eyes.  Eyes that have experienced hope and loss and now see heartbreak and grief in others where before it would go unnoticed.  Eyes that see happiness and joy with a new appreciation.  Eyes that see Christ in a new way and cling to resurrection and the promise of new life.   I’m not “healed” or “fixed” or “better”  --but I am joyful, hopeful and content.  Our baby has touched lives, our story has impacted others and I am thankful. 

“There’s a reason I am not writing the story and God is.  He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means.” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts)   

It’s freeing to trust that God is in control and has a better plan than we can understand in our limited understanding.

I am also very thankful for our community—not just those couples in our community group—but all the family and friends that have surrounded and cared for us in this time.  Thank you.  We are blessed beyond belief.  Watermark is huge on community.  I lived in isolation at one point in my life and saw the damage it can do both emotionally and spiritually.  I’m so grateful for a church home that places such importance on surrounding yourself with people to do life with.

To whom it may concern:

I am not sure the protocol on messages like this but I wanted to take a moment and thank Watermark for the importance they place on community. My husband, Newton, and I joined a community group at the beginning of 2012. This year has not been an easy one on most of our group – with deaths of family members, sickness and injury, lost jobs and more. In my opinion, we’ve done a great job supporting one another in the good times and bad and I would have been an advocate for community based on the experience I had over the last year.

This month, however, I truly learned the importance of community. Newton and I found out in early January that we were pregnant and could not have been happier. Three weeks later I started having some complications and believed I had a miscarriage. Our community walked through this tragedy with us every step of the way. They started praying and the first signs of miscarriage, checked in on us every day, coordinated meals and brought flowers. When we believed we lost the baby they were there—they listened to me process what was happening and in the midst of my doubt, hurt and anger, they reminded me that God is good, He is mourning this loss with us, He has a plan for our future, He is with us through this. Now three weeks later, they are still consistent in their support - sending me verses of truths and praying for both Newton and me. I feel like I cry at our group every week and often feel like the "downer" but they have been nothing but loving and supportive throughout.

I don’t know how non-believers handle tragedy, but even more I don’t know how isolated “believers” handle it. Satan attacks us in our darkest and weakest moments. I so much wanted to be angry at God and blame this on Him – but thanks to those people in my life that are speaking truth--our families, friends and community--I know God is hurting over our loss just as much as we are. We are called to walk through life TOGETHER, not in isolation. Thank you Watermark for the importance you place on community, relationships and authenticity. We are so thankful to be members of a church that is passionate about living life together through the peaks and the valleys.