Here we go again!

10/20/13 - We formally "announced" we were pregnant on Friday, 10/18.  I've been writing since we found out on August 9 but didn't want to post until we made it past the first trimester.  Today I am 14 weeks and 2 days pregnant with my little nugget, and all seems healthy and on track.  Here are several posts and letters from the past three months.

Today, 8/9, I found out I was pregnant.  My body has been rebelling since I lost our baby at the end of January so I was surprised.  Now I am cautiously optimistic.  Literally, I was prepared to call the doctor to go on medicine next month to help get pregnant and now here we go again! 

I take back any optimism, I’m terrified. 

Raw fear. 

In the last 12 hours I have replayed every “bad” decision I made in the last two weeks – drinking wine, eating sushi, getting a massage, intense workouts, eating soft cheeses, riding a bike and drinking non-pasteurized juice.  What was I thinking?

And then Newton stopped me.  He reminded me God is bigger. 

God is bigger than my choices.  God is bigger than everything I can do to prepare for this pregnancy.  God is bigger than the future I can envision.  He is bigger.  He can turn water to wine.  He can part the seas.  He can empower the little David to overpower the great Goliath.  He can shut the mouths of Lions.  He can raise the dead. 

God is bigger.

I don’t know what this pregnancy will hold.  I’m not promised tomorrow for myself or for this little nugget.  I am scared.  I wish I wasn’t.  I wish I was boldly confident. 

But God is BIGGER. 

He is bigger than the fear, the pain, the emotion.  He loves me and has a perfect plan.  All I need to do is sit back and let him steer the ship.  Thank you, Father God, for blessing me with a second pregnancy.  I surrender all to you.